It's OK to cry....

[This post is taken directly from my journal entry yesterday. Yes, I'm old-school, old-fashioned, whatever you want to call it. If there was a way for me to write with pen and paper and share it with the world, I'd do that instead of on the web.]

It's been a while since I've wrote here because everything's digital now-a-days, I felt it was necessary though.

I just cried and sobbed - sobbed like a baby. In fact, a tear is still trickling down my face this very moment. I miss my Mom. I miss her badly.

My life in France is coming to an end, and I have been preparing things for my return back to the States. The other day, I emailed family to see who could pick me up from the airport. As I was writing, I thought, "Oh, why don't I just ask Mom." (Yes, that thought truly crossed my mind. For those of you who don't know me personally, I lost my mother last November to pancreatic cancer.) There is not a day when I don't think of her. This is not the first time either, that I have thought that she's still with us. It happens on occasion. But in time, I know it will pass.

[At this moment, we are in the backyard sunbathing and Louise is waiting for me to jump in the pool with her. I tell her, "I'm writing about my mother." And she replies, "You cry?" "Yes," I say as I smile and watch her nod. It was a good moment, and I'm glad she was able to see that it's OK to cry.]

I'm currently reading Where Are The Fathers, by Phillip G. Goudeaux (Thanks for lending it, Jerome!) The book sparked up great memories of her. I've enjoyed the book, but do not agree with everything he believes. In his research, he found "85% of prisoners, 78% of high school dropouts and 82% of teenage girls who become pregnant and the majority of drug and alcohol abuse all come from single mother, head of households."

My brother and I have not been a part of these statistics (thank heavens!) We have been fortunate and blessed to have had a remarkable woman raise us by herself. She is special. We are special.

And no disrespect to my father, he traveled off the beaten path for a while, but he has found his way (thank heavens again!)

So in response to Goudeaux's belief that "a single-parent household, when raised by a mother has more problems than with a father as head of household," I beg to differ from my personal experience. This may be true for some, and may have been true if I was raised by my father but we'll never know now. All I know is my mother did a damn good job of raising her children and I turned out just fine!